Grabowski and his friends live in Berlin and follow the fine art of getting by without really doing much of anything. Recently, because of reasons, the boys started up an advertising agency called Baloney, Fiend & Associates. Now whether or not that was a good idea is debatable, but the way things have been going so far, it seems Baloney, Fiend & Associates has been up to just about everything – except for doing serious advertising.

The Main Characters:
Grabowski: Agency boss, gastronomy expert.
Pistol Pete: The guy with a cell phone on each hip.
Long Dong Copy: Advertising copywriter, fixated on the rumored size of his »manhood«.
Charming Heinz: B.A. in Grumpiness and a member of the German Society of Bad Mood Specialists, Ltd.
Gelatoni: Top agency intern with a ravenous appetite for ice cream.
Mi Praun Ding: Pistol Pete’s wife, the little cutie with the Playmobil bob-cut.
Cloud 9: Grabowski’s recently adopted stray cloud, yet to be house-trained unfortunately.
Madame Maybe-Elle: Frenchwoman and maybe, possibly, someday Long Dong Copy’s girlfriend.
Marie the Cashier: Charming Heinz’s girlfriend.
Kid 1: (Work in progress) child of Pistol Pete and Mi Praun Ding.

Work à la Baloney, Fiend & Associates:
One afternoon, Grabowski made his way into the agency. Grabowski: Good morning, gentlemen. What’s going on? You all look so stressed out.
Pistol Pete: Hey boss. It’s because of all the work that’s piled up.
Grabowski: Work? Hm, that’s something for the interns.
What’s his name, the one with the weird nickname?
Long Dong Copy: Gelatoni?
Grabowski: Yeah, that guy. The one who eats ice cream anywhere from two to seven times a day.
Pistol Pete: What a stupid nickname: »Gelatoni«. Don’t you think so, Long Dong?
Long Dong Copy: Yeah, seriously, Pistol Pete.
Grabowski: Gelatoni, come here for a second.
Gelatoni: Hi, boss. What’s up?
Grabowski: Take a look, there’s a whole pile of work sitting on this table. Get rid of it.
Gelatoni: No problem boss.
Grabowski: So gentlemen, we’re going to a café, well, just for conceptual reasons. Okay?
Gelatoni: Good luck with that.
Grabowski: Oh yeah, Gelatoni, will you take the blinking Christmas lights down from the window? It’s July. Then again, just leave ‘em up. It doesn’t matter.

A page out of Grabowski’s diary:
After years of developing the »coffee-to-go« concept, trademark and subsequent product line, I’m now working on the creation of the worldwide first ever »coffee-to-stay« concept. Please keep that to yourself, I am still waiting on the final word from the patent office.

Berlin: Another page out of Grabowski’s diary: My fashion sense and I have split. From what I hear, he’s moved to East Berlin. Apparently, he’s opened a designer boutique there where he sells young hipsters ridiculously overpriced plastic chairs produced in Hungary. I wouldn’t have put it past him.

In the meantime, Long Dong Copy is out and about in Friedrichshain³ and encounters a fellow 30-somethinger. The two 33-year olds (evidenced by attire: retro jacket, retro adidas/ puma satchel, retro vibe).
Conversation:
Long Dong Copy: Hello, are you a cool young dude too?



³ Up-and-coming, trendy part of East Berlin where hipsters cohabitate with punks and the few remaining native East Berliners.

Back on the subway with Baloney, Fiend & Associates:
Grabowski: So, Pistol Pete, let me recap the events of the last twenty seconds just to make sure that I have an accurate record of everything that’s happened: we boarded the crosstown train and sat in seats next to the window, whereupon you took a plastic flower and vase out of your backpack and placed it on the floor between the two of us. After that you unpacked a curtain and hung it over the window with some tape. Right? Pistol Pete: That’s correct.
Grabowski: What the hell?
Pistol Pete: It’s so pleasant and cozy, don’t you think? I mean, since we travel on the train so often, why not make the place feel a little more like home?
Grabowski: Well done.

Vorsprung durch Technik:
Maybe-Elle and Long Dong Copy have to go to a meeting, so they hop on the subway. They sit next to each other on the train. Maybe-Elle’s cell phone flashes signaling an incoming text: »Hello, sweet cakes, I’ve been watching you for a few minutes now. But before I make a fool of myself by hitting on you, I thought I’d send you a text. Do you want to go out with me? Write me back, Long Dong. P.S. I’m sitting right next to you on the subway. But, feel free to reach me on my cell phone. «

Work à la Baloney, Fiend & Associates:
For the sake of broadening his professional repertoire, Long Dong Copy has begun to practice his journalistic writing skills.
Grabowski: So, Long Dong, how are things going in the world of journalism?
Long Dong Copy: I just finished a new article.
Grabowski: Let’s hear it.
Long Dong Copy: »47 Survivors of Bus Ride! – Berlin. All 47 bus occupants, including the bus driver, survived a bus trip from Berlin to Braunschweig. After arriving without incident at their destination, all passengers exited the bus without harm and proceeded onto their respective final destinations. Missing from the scene of the bus’s safe arrival was Minister of Emergency Medical Assistance Gabriele Brunst-Hückenschwick, who with visible relief stated: »As an emergency care provider the best thing I can do is just to be there for these people.««
Grabowski: Nice article.
Long Dong Copy: Yeah, and I did all the research myself.
Grabowski: Do you think someone will print it?
Long Dong Copy: I don’t know yet. I’ll offer it to the Berlin Star first.

Sports: While taking a walk through Berlin-Schöneberg, Grabowski and Pistol Pete pass by a playground full of kids.
Grabowski: Are you up for a game of name that kid poker?
Pistol Pete: I’m game. You start.
Grabowski: Ok, here we go. (loud) Leeeooon!!!
26 Leons answer: Ja?
Pistol Pete: Ha, I only count a measly 26! That was nothing, man.
Grabowski: Just wait.
Pistol Pete: It’s my turn then. (loud) Leeeenaaa!!!
26 Lenas answer: Ja?
Grabowski: Ha, I count 26. We’re tied!
Pistol Pete: Wait, back there, the little one by the swing.
Little one by the swing: Papi?
Pistol Pete: Ha! 27! I won!
Grabowski: Shit! Rematch at the next playground?
Pistol Pete: Ok.

Shortly after: A page from Pistol Pete’s diary:
I demoted the captain today in a game of name that kid poker with a fat win in two rounds (1st round: Lena 27 : Leon 26, 2nd round and return match at next playground: Lea 18 : Joshua 3). Yes!

Working freelance:
In 2001, Grabowski, working freelance at the time, during the collapse of the New Economy, hardly had a single advertising contract. Still, he was far from inactive: In fact, through hard work, remarkable diligence and passion, he used the time to build up a well cared-for cushion of debt, something that continues to bring him tremendous joy to this day. Particularly, given that »Grabowski reads aloud the details of his bank account summary« readings that seem to draw quite an audience.

Vorsprung durch Technik: Agency boss Grabowski recently read of an invention called a »meeting«. Adopting this innovation for his own agency Baloney, Fiend & Associates, he invites chief copywriter Long Dong Copy to a meeting: Grabowski: So tell me Long Dong, you’re an old pro at copywriting, right?
Long Dong Copy: You could say that.
Grabowski: Can you also write text for bank account summaries?
Long Dong Copy: Of course.
Grabowski: Have a look at this. I think it’s time I put out a new image with my bank account summaries. My first thought – or what I would consider my slam dunk concept – is to swap out these negative number signs for positives.
Long Dong Copy: Good idea. I’ll draw up a couple of draft ideas for you.
Grabowski: This meeting thing is really something.

Reflections upon: Back in 2003, following official White House rules and procedure, Charming Heinz appealed directly to President George W. Bush for formal recognition as a member of the »Axis of Evil« – requesting to be listed in the Register of Evildoers – such as »Iraq-Iran-North Korea-Charming Heinz« – and thereby being able to be bombarded on request. To this day he still waits in vain for a response and finds his old buddy Bush’s inaction not at all cool. Let it be known that if Bush were ever by chance to find himself lost in Berlin- Schöneberg, someone there has a serious bone to pick with him.

A page out of Long Dong Copy’s diary: The night of March 19, 2003, George W. Bush and his troops invaded Barbara Bush. – No. Wait a minute. I read that wrong: Not Barbara Bush, Iraq. Whoops, a little Freudian slip there.

A page from Long Dong Copy’s diary: The future is a concept from yesterday. Today is the present.

Vorsprung durch Technik: One day Long Dong Copy was astounded to realize that he could converse with himself. For example, not long after, in a café, as a righteously attractive women walks by sending him some serious flirting signals. Long Dong Copy: Hello, Master, did you see what just walked by us?
Long Dong’s Inner-Self: No man, sorry, it’s bad timing, I’m just reading a bit.
Long Dong Copy: You’re enjoying what you’re reading!? Well, what is it you’re reading?
Long Dong’s Inner-Self: Right now, the cleaning instructions on your underwear. But, I’m about out of reading material. Could you maybe get me something else to read? Here’s an idea, I’ve heard about this Grabowski character who apparently writes some really illuminating books ... given their pocket- friendly format, I’m sure they’d fit just fine down here in your briefs. I mean, it’s not like I take up a lot of space or anything.
Long Dong Copy: Holy shit! I think my ... you already know what ... might just be an intellectual.
Of course it could be, or hopefully at least, since Long Dong Copy had just dreamt up the whole thing.

A short time later, Long Dong Copy meanders into a bookstore.
Salesperson: Can I help you find a book, Sir?
Long Dong Copy: No thanks, I write my own.

Vorsprung durch credits:
Pistol Pete: Boss, I just counted it all up, we’ve already gotten to page 128. It’s time for the closing words.
Grabowski: Ok, so, just a few years ago, we launched ...
Pistol Pete: No, make it short, we hardly have any room left.
Wrap it up short and sweet. Will ya?
Grabowski: Ok. How about this? »Man is discontent by nature.
The goal is, to achieve a higher level of discontentment.«
Pistol Pete: Very nice. I think that’s enough for now.
Grabowski: Well then, so long! For now.
Long Dong Copy: See ya.